How to be the Worst Soccer Parent Ever

I originally wrote this post 18 months ago.  Now, I only have two kids playing soccer and one is starting her first job and first day as a referee for the game she loves-soccer. Parents, please take note of tip #2 and take into consideration that the young referee on the field is excited to be there, is likely nervous, and needs your support.  The young person is your neighbor, friend, and community member.  Be kind and bring your dum-dums.

Ah, soccer season.  Currently, my three children are all playing soccer and we are committed to practices every week night, games on Saturday, and sometimes an occasional Sunday.  My high frequency of visits to the soccer field provides me some credibility to this topic of being the worst soccer parent ever.

What I loathe the most about soccer are the post-game snacks.  At the beginning of each soccer season, I hope that the subject of a snack list never gets mentioned; but it always does.  As a parent of children with food allergies, I am constantly faced with the dilemma of feeding others, while knowing that my children will not be able to share in team snacks.  I do not have a perfect answer about how to address the dilemma; I usually approach it on a case by case basis.  I generally try not to rock the boat because as children get older, the team snacks become less and less of an issue. 

My husband recalls from his many years in youth soccer one constant about soccer snacks: water and orange slices.  I played only one season of soccer and I remember orange slices and water, also.  So, why the orange slices and water?  Simple answer: hydration.

Before the soccer season started, I read a similar post about providing healthy snacks for children at sporting events.  The author was questioning the need for Capri Suns and Cheez-its when a snack of whole fruit, vegetables, nuts, and whole grains were more appropriate snacks; and that water is the drink of choice after running like wild for an hour (or picking daisies).

I was called up to provide snacks for games this season, so I put the fruit and vegetable idea to the test. I have determined that it has made me the worst soccer mom ever.  The responses I received after providing healthy snacks and not prepackaged crackers were along the lines of: 

“That’s it?”            “What else do you have?”           “Nothing to drink?”.  

But they ate it.

Here are my five tips on how to accomplish it yourself!

5. No Gatorade:  Simply water is all that is needed.  Same goes for the shiny packages of Capri-Suns.

4. Feed the Chimps: Bananas are perfectly packaged, so are grapes, apples, oranges, carrots, snap peas.

3. Box it up: Good things come is small… boxes (and bags).  Look for raisins, popcorn, pretzels.

2. Sweets: If you must bring candy, bring it for the parents.   I heard that suckers are great for the overly excited sideline parent because it gives their mouth something else to do!

1. Opt-out:  It’s okay to not bring snacks at all.  By the time they are 10 or 11 years old, the motivation for the snack list fades.